Those Kinds of Things

I have a confession to make: I watched Trauma when it was on the air. 

Funniest. Show. Ever.

Seriously, it fell into the "so bad it's good" category for me. The lack of believability was spectacular, and it was, all things considered, one of the dumbest hours of TV I've ever watched. Trauma was exceptionally bad. Or good. Whatever.

But I watched it, so I guess the joke's on me.

I've been critical of the way that EMS is portrayed in pop culture for a long time. I dug Mother, Jugs & Speed, mostly because Bill Cosby is awesome and the zany shenanigans were so goofy. I really didn't care for Bringing Out the Dead - way too dark and depressing, and (at least to me) as unrealistic as Trauma. There was an indie film called Broken Vessels that did the "dark exploration of prehospital medicine" thing way better than Bringing Out the Dead and was interesting from a train wreck kind of perspective, but basically I don't think Hollywood has ever portrayed us well.

I like to think I watch quality TV shows, occasional guilty pleasures aside, and I really enjoy the complicated and dark world of Showtime's Dexter.

I think it does a great job of challenging morality and the sometimes blurry line between good and evil. 

Having said that (thanks, Larry David!), though, I had serious issues with Sunday night's episode. Read on for details (and minor spoilers!)

SPOILERS BELOW!

If you're still reading, I'm assuming that you either: a) already saw the episode, b) never plan to see it, or c) don't care much about spoilers.

The first couple of minutes of last night's episode Those Kinds of Things were completely and totally preposterous. Absurdly unintelligent. Insultingly ridiculous.

And it's just propogating the misinformation out there about EMS.

So here's the set up:

Dexter's inner dialogue tells us about how wrong things have gone as he stumbles around with a bloody knife. He calls 911 from his cell phone and tells the dispatcher that he's been stabbed. The ambulance crew (Go Team 42!) responds, doesn't stage, and runs to the now-unconscious Dexter's side with no regard for their safety, minimal equipment (who carries a jump bag on their lap?) and (convenient tie in to my CSI Fairview posts!) absolutely no attempt at evidence preservation. 

As they kneel next to him, Dexter pulls out two syringes and jabs both responders in the throat. See what I mean about the hands being dangerous? He then puts them in the back of the ambulance, interrogates them, and pretty much does the typical Dexter thing. Apparently these two knuckleheads were trafficking human organs out of their ambulance with the help of a crooked doctor, or some such nonsense.

His finishing move involves a Lifepak 10 (seriously? Those still exist?) and one paddle on each bad guy. If I'd only known you only needed one paddle/electrode to do the job, I could've saved literally seconds of my life over the years! 

He didn't charge to 200 (or even Extra Crispy), didn't yell "CLEAR!" and shot all the American Heart Association's protocols to pieces.

Aye carumba, oy vey and holy schlamoly all rolled into one. It was really, really, ridiculously bad looking. For reals.

Making things worse is the fact that Dexter's voice is on a recorded 911 call, and the ambulance crew (crooked or not) would be missed very quickly. And stabbings always warrant a police response. None of this scenario made any sense. He could have just made a normal BS complaint - flu-like symptoms or toe pain, maybe - and gone from there.

Hopefully this was a bizarre detour from the normal exceptional production value and strong writing behind this show.

[end crotchety old man-style rant]

Stay tuned for the CSI: Fairview - Stabbings post!